Kyo Kara Christmas!
by luvdawinx
Summary: Christmas is now a national holiday in Shin Makoku, and Greta has thought of the perfect present for everyone she knows. Heck, she even got the other noble and royal children in on it! Just watch out for Murata and Shinou, because those two had some serious innocence ruining to do! Will Yuuri and the gang survive the Christmas pageant with their dignity in check?


**A special Christmas present for you guys! Hope you enjoy it!**

**Warning: Rated T for alcohol use, suggestive themes (and clothes), suggestive lyrics, pervertedness, OOCness, AUness, inappropriate terms, and the ruining of innocences of children.**

**Pairings: Yuuram/Wolfyuu but mostly Wolfyuu, Conrad x Yozak, Gwendal x Anissina, along with those found in the Love Lottery**

**Note: Yuuri and Wolfram are married, Greta has learned about anime, and Murata and Shinou are as perverted as ever! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Kyo Kara Christmas!**

Carol 1: 12 Days of Shinou

After the papers were signed, Yuuri declared Christmas to be a national holiday. He believed that he should share at least a couple more Earthen traditions, and that this holiday would bring everyone together. Before he knew it he was seeing people in the village stringing up multicolored lanterns on buildings and market stands, presents being wrapped in boxes, and such jolly faces. Then he noticed fruitcakes being given despite being unwanted, cookies being baked, and children playing with jingle bells. He knew this was a good idea, and he was right. Christmas was a time of coming together, and that was what was happening before his eyes.

Now that Christmas was a national holiday, work increased at the castle as well. The maids were bustling in the kitchens preparing for the upcoming Christmas party, setting up decorations, and even set up and decorated Christmas trees in every room that was being occupied; any rooms that were not being occupied were decorated as well but without the trees, since the maids knew people would be staying the night after the party. As for everyone else, days off were being distributed, cards were being signed, and people were struggling to find presents for one another.

Yuuri was already prepared for this. With the a bit of help from his mother, he was able to find gifts for his friends and new family. At first he was against it, but Miko convinced him to hand Greta down his old dresses. For Gwendal he had some of those plush toy elves and a stuffed Totoro like from the anime movie "My Neighbor Totoro". He got Gunter a book on the Japanese culture, the one with lots of pictures since he knew the man could not read kanji. Since he knew Conrad was an excellent swordsman, he decided to buy him a book on the different weapons made in Japan, and was grateful that this man knew how to read kanji; he was now wondering if Conrad could teach Gunter how to read it. Finding a gift for Wolfram was hard despite a year of being married to him, but he managed to go for a simple Japanese painting kit in hopes of being rid of the dreaded bearbee paints for a while.

The others, however, were having some tough luck finding the perfect presents for _him_.

* * *

Gunter von Christ paced across the floors in the library, trying to hold in his outbursts of worry and fear. He had absolutely no idea what to get for His Majesty for this new holiday known as Christmas! Some advisor he was, not knowing his king's likes and dislikes enough to figure out a present. All he knew was that His Gracious Majesty liked things that are straight from the heart... but everything Gunter does is from the heart!

He also likes the simple things, nothing too big or flashy. That took any kind of clothing off the list.

He does not seem as perverted as the Great Sage, which... sort of disappointed the man. That meant he might not like any kind of... surprises...

No, no nosebleeds! Not now nor yet!

_Come on, von Christ! _he pounded his forehead in frustration. _Think! Think! THINK!_

...

A light flashed in his head. _Of course, why did I not think of this before? His Dearest, Most Ever Gracious Majesty is so interesting like that! Oh, he will surely like the gift I have now thought up for him! Now I know: when in doubt, think BASEBALL!_ He punched the air, propping a leg up to strike a pose!

* * *

Gwendal von Voltaire sat behind his desk in his office, his hands at work below him. It was a good thing he was sort of getting better with his hands, otherwise this might not have turned out as well. Thoughts of His Majesty ran through his mind as he made his hands work faster and faster, but then slowed down just enough so he would not mess up. He was close to finishing, and he was anxious because of that. Sweat dropped from the side of his forehead as he concentrated all of his strength on these last few seconds. He was so close that he felt like he was going to explode any time! He was close, he was close, he was-

He calmed down as he finished his work. Finally, he could relax now, at least for a few minutes before he had to start all over again. Lifting up his hands he looked at the white lump he was now holding. [1] In his hands was a white mouse, which was meant for His Majesty as a Christmas present. However, it was meant to be a sheep.

After a few minutes of resting he started up with a new ball of yarn to make Greta's gift. He was determined to make the best teddy bear she has ever seen!

It ended up looking like a brown pig.

* * *

Conrad Weller and Yozak Gurrier heard of Gunter's plans of giving Yuuri something involving baseball for Christmas, and sighed in defeat. These two were planning on giving the double black something baseball-related, but now they were forced to decide against it. Now they both lay on Conrad's bed in his room, wondering what to get Yuuri now that their original plan has unintentionally been taken.

"... I could hand him down one of my dresses," Yozak suggested.

"I thought you were going to hand those down to Greta for when she got older," Conrad pointed out.

"Good point... We could get him a sword that actually works."

"His Majes-... _Yuuri_ seems perfectly fine with Morgif. After all, that is _his_ Demon Sword."

"Yeah, but the kiddo rarely uses it, and that sword can't even cut through paper anyways."

"Okay, I see your point."

"So it's settled, we'll go find him a new sword! However..." The orange-haired man climbed on top of the brunette and straddled him by the waist. "... I wanna see if _your_ sword is still working first."

Conrad had a feeling that he had been spending way too much time around His Eminence, but gave in nonetheless.

* * *

Wolfram von Bielefeld's room was currently a mess. There was the outfit Mother Miko recommended him to where after the Christmas party, which was a couple days away, sprawled out on the bed. On the floors were the presents he had prepared for everyone else. He was giving Greta a nice but simple necklace he found in the markets the other day. Gwendal was getting a green sweater that had little deer with large horns and wearing harnesses with bells, animals Yuuri referred to as reindeers. His Little Big Brother was getting a similar sweater, but in red. After some lessons with Lady Anissina, he successfully knitted a black and pink striped scarf that surpassed any of Gwendal's works for his mother for when she takes trips to places with cold climates. And his eldest brother was right, it was a bit of a stress reliever.

All that was left was Yuuri's present, which he was finishing up right now. Just for him he was painting a picture, with bearbee paints, using the realism style instead of cubism for once. He carefully stroked the canvas with the many paints on his palette, not breathing the fumes in because he was wearing a nose plug and therefore had to breath through his mouth. With just a few more strokes he would be finished...

Success!

He hopped up from his stool and punched the air, accidentally dropping his paint palette on the floor but he did not care. Not until his nose plug knock off his nose did he notice that his paints have fallen and were now all over his cloak as well. The smelly fumes finally made it into his nostrils when he forgot it was best to not breathe in directly.

He collapsed onto the floor with his head turned away from the palette, the odors having overwhelmed him.

* * *

Greta entered the Temple of the Great One with Murata and a tiny Shinou's permission. The two have happily agreed to help her with whatever she was planning as her Christmas presents to the other people of the castle. What she had in store was pretty big, and they understood why she needed help, Murata's help mostly. She really wanted to learn more about these songs Yuuri called Christmas carols, in hopes of singing a couple at the Christmas party.

"But Greta," Murata said, "how would anyone know what you are talking about if you're gonna sing a song that makes sense on Earth? You are going to have to... how you say... Shin Makoku-nize the songs."

"Well, I won't know what to rewrite then if I am not told of these Christmas carols right now!" she exclaimed, hugging her box of crayons and rolls of parchment while sitting on the Hell's Fire in Frozen Lands. "Can we please get started so that I can practice? Now, any songs you recommend I should 'Shin Makoku-nize' and then sing at the party?" The Sage and the Original King, looked to each other and smirked.

"Princess Greta," Shinou hopped off of Murata's shoulder to stand in front of her. "If we are to give you advice I must warn you first. Your innocence on how you see life will be lost forever after that." He was talking as if she was forming a contract to sell her soul. By the look of determination in her eyes, he already knew the answer, and so shrugged. "Okay then, but just remember that there is no turning back."

The three set to work on her songs, the double black muttering, "Shibuya, you are most likely going to go into Maoh Mode after this..."

* * *

Yuuri was really happy to see the nobles and monarchs of other countries getting along so well at this party on Christmas Eve, especially since he had invited humans to this gathering as well. The maids have done an excellent job in designing the ballroom to a Christmas theme, with his help of course. Lights were strung upon the walls, flickering in different colors. A giant pine tree stood in the center of the room covered in beautiful ornaments and lights tall and proud as people gazed at its beauty. There was a whole table dedicated to not only the delicious desserts Effe and Greta have prepared, but also half of the table was covered in different kinds of cookies in the shapes of trees, ornaments, and stars. He was greatly impressed of all the work that has been done in such little time.

"Daddy Yuuri~!" He turned around to the singsong tone coming from his precious daughter Greta, who was dressed up in a red velvet dress that had white fur along the lining of the hem, the cuffs of the long sleeves, and the neckline where it showed her collarbone and ended off the shoulders the way Wolfram's nightgowns did. On her head was the Santa hat he gave her, but he did not describe it to her as a Santa hat but as a "traditional Christmas cap" since he forgot to tell her who Santa was. Anyways, she jumped into his outstretched arms to squeeze him in an embrace. "You ready for Greta's present tonight?"

"Of course, I can't wait," Yuuri smiled. He let her go so she could go run off and enjoy the party. "I hear that the other children have something planned as well, so you should go see what they're up to." Since Christmas was about bringing people together, he knew he had to make this party kid-friendly. That meant no tables being dedicated to only alcohol, someone needed to make sure the children did not get into the alcohol, and someone needed to be around to look out for them. Strangely, Murata took up the last job. He did not know he was a kid person... but then he remembered his friend's pervertedness and facepalmed; maybe it was a bad idea to leave him with children around.

"Fine, fine! See ya, Daddy!" She pecked him on the cheeks and turned on her heels so he would not see her smirk. _Of course the other kids are up to something, _she thought with a wicked smile on her face. _I put them up to it. Speaking of which, I should go check their progress. _With a few skips in her steps she was off to the stage, which had been built in the room a long time ago.

The children of royal birth, noble birth, and those adopted into these upper classes were all over the place in the back of the stage. Most were practicing what was written and assigned to them on the parchments. A few were chatting happily with other children. There were also some whom Murata and Shinou were explaining certain terms used in the songs that were written down to. Greta entered from the front curtains, which were closed at the moment, and looked around. She was content with what she saw and decided to get their attention with a long, high pitched whistle.

"Alright people, gather around!" she called out. Everyone flocked to her like birds to bread crumbs. "I see that the secret practice we had earlier this afternoon when all of you arrived have paid off, and I am glad to also see that you are taking this seriously. We start the Christmas pageant in another hour and I want to see how you are doing in separate meetings. Okay, back to work!" As you can see, living around so many adults has given her lessons on being a leader.

What she had said was true. When she noticed that children were being invited to the party as well she decided that she should let them in on her special surprise so that they can do this as a present for all their parents. Since they were all new to this Christmas deal, of course they wanted to participate. Greta put them all through rehearsals after she and the two people who helped her in te first place (Murata and Shinou) helped them learn the lyrics to the songs they wrote. As a leader she had some of Wolfram's uptightness and punctuality, Yuuri's gentleness, Lady Celi's cheerfulness, Lady Anissina's determination and enthusiasm, and the maids' hardworking attitude. Altogether she was a great director for the pageant, with Murata and Shinou as her advisors.

"You think our parents are gonna like our performance?" Beatrice asked the director after her separate meeting for a voice check was done.

"I'm sure they're gonna love it!" Greta replied. "And if they don't, we go ahead and throw temper tantrums." She had it all figured out.

"The lyrics sound weird," Rinji told her after his turn.

"Thas because some of the terms are only found on Earth. Go talk to the advisors if you need any explanations. They will also be explaining the terms to our parents if you were wondering about that, by the way."

"What does yaoi mean?" asked INNOCENT six-year-old Drake von Parkland.

"... Advisors!" She had the "advisors" tend to the boy while she peeked through the curtains to check how things were outside. Nobody seemed to have noticed their disappearances, so that is good. It is ten minutes until the curtains open, so she should rally the parents now to get things organized.

The princess excused herself to go out and grabbed one of the many microphones (created by Anissina) that have been set out there in the afternoon. After she switched on the amplifiers (also made by Anissina), she tapped on the mic. A loud booming sound resonated with the help of the amplifiers, and so got everyone's attention. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Umm... Hello there! I'm Greta, and you are all probably wondering what I've done with the other kids, right?" She allowed them to realize that none of the children were around in their lines of vision. "But no matter!" she interrupted their search. "In honor of the new holiday, I have gathered the kids so we may put on a Christmas pageant. So please take your seats or stand still, because the show will be starting shortly!" She set the mic back onto its stand so she may return to behind the curtains.

With a whistle and some claps everyone surrounded her again. "Alright people, the time has come for us to make our parents happy! I will need my advisors to please go out and explain the Earth terms and provide the warnings while we set up our places just like we rehearsed this afternoon!" Murata and Shinou nodded before going out to the stage to warm everybody up.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" they both shined smiles that secretly held mischief. People gasped at the sight of a tiny Shinou on the Sage's shoulder.

"The following performances are of songs based off of Christmas carols sung on Earth, only they have been changed so they may fit Shin Makoku better." Since Murata knew what he was talking about, he was the one to do the talking. "The lyrics have been written by us and Princess Greta herself because she wanted to present these songs as presents to her family."

Yuuri was pretty sure he wanted to cry from hearing that... But wait, didn't Murata say he and Shinou helped her write the songs? Oh no, this was bad. He did not find it bad that Greta asked them for help, he found it bad that they may have given her perverted advice and have ruined her innocence. He was right on the dot on that.

"We will now be explaining some Earthen terms used in the songs that shall be performed..." Yuuri immediately knew that his friend was screwed once this was over.

* * *

As soon as the explanation of terms was over, there was silence that involved gaping mouths, bulged eyes, red tomato blushes, and the birth of even dirtier minds. The two took this as a chance to continue.

"Now without further ado," their voices snapped people out of their shock and confusion. "The first Christmas carol shall be '12 Days of Shinou'!" Everyone caught on what was going on, and applauded when the curtains went up and say all their children on the stage. Yuuri eventually snapped out of his trance with Wolfram's help and clapped along, knowing that this was a spin-off to "12 Days of Christmas".

Greta, Beatrice, and Rinji took many of the microphones to the children behind them so that there were only three left, one for each of them, in the front. The three took these microphones and, after clearing their throats, queued for someone to start the music on the piano and follow the music notes he was given so they may begin.

From nearby the stairs that led up to the stage Shinou, while he was still on Murata's shoulders, snapped his fingers, starting up the spell that he had cast earlier in the day so that whatever they sang would have a... special effect added afterwards. Only a couple magical things would happen, but the rest was just that some chaos was guaranteed to happen.

_On the first day of Christmas_  
_the Great One gave to me..._  
_A yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

They paused to see everyone's reactions. Most of them looked towards the king, who was sitting on a table near the stage, and began to laugh. Yuuri stood up and stomped over to his friend, with Wolfram, Conrad, Yozak, Gwendal, and Gunter trailing behind him. He grabbed the laughing double black by the collar and shook him.

"You already know that my name is spelled with _two u's_, Ken Murata," he told him. "I also can't believe you taught those kids something so wrong that their innocence has been ruined forever!"

"Oh come on Shibuya, lighten up," Murata said between chuckles. "Can you let go so they can continue? They haven't even gone to the second verse yet!"

Yuuri hesitantly let him go and looked back to the stage, where Greta was waiting impatiently to keep on going. He smiled nervously at them, which signaled for them to keep going.

_On the second day of Christmas_  
_the Great One gave to me..._  
_Two stubborn blondes,_  
_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Wolfram looked up to the ceiling and thought, _Hmm... I wonder who those two stubborn blondes could be..._

_On the third day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal spit out the water he was drinking from the glass he brought with him at the time. Conrad did the same, but with his champagne and some of that got onto Yozak. Wolfram choked on his own breaths from hearing those lyrics.

How dare those two teach them lyrics so inappropriate!

_Two stubborn blondes,  
and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was banging his head against a wall now.

_On the fourth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Four fangirl maids,_

Doria, Sangria, Lasagna, and Effe were watching and listening to the performance from where they stood. They all shrugged their shoulders, muttering that it was true, before returning to the Christmas edition of their Love Lottery.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal was now in search for alcohol, while Conrad was busy helping Yozak clean his shirt in order to keep his mind off the song.

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram was still wondering who they could be. People who saw this were shocked at how he can be as innocent as Yuuri sometimes.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was being held back by Gunter before he could knock himself out with a concussion from hitting his head against the wall hard enough.

_On the fifth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

Champagne, wine, water, all sorts of drinks have been sputtered out from hearing this. This was followed by laughter, lots and lots of laughter.

_Four fangirl maids,_

When she saw how Conrad was comforting Yozak, Lasagna quietly punched the air. She had a feeling she was going to get her pay for predicting a Conrart x Yozak pairing.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal has successfully found a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, both completely full.

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram was in great turmoil in wondering who these blondes were to be.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was now on the floor, trying to see if he could knock himself out by banging his head against it that way.

_On the sixth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Six of Anissina's inventions,_

Out of nowhere, Lady Anissina popped up and snatched one of the guests so she can use his marykou for her inventions since Gunter was tending to His Majesty, Gwendal was trying to knock himself drunk with those bottles, and Wolfram was thinking too hard. She was gone as fast as she appeared.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

From above, five of the dresses Yozak owned fell onto the stage. No one knew nor cared to wonder where they came from or how they were there in the first place. They were all laughing too hard to think.

_Four fangirl maids,_

When they saw Conrad comfort Yozak with a kiss that no one else but them saw, Lasagna took a glass of champagne and downed it in one go. She then held out her hand to collect her winnings.

"Pay up, bitches!" she exclaimed; she was not that very good at staying sober after even one glass of alcohol.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal had finished his drinks, but he was not drunk yet. He went off to go find some more alcohol, maybe something even stronger.

_Two stubborn blondes,_

_Let's see, Mother has blonde hair but she isn't stubborn so she's off..._ Wolfram decided it would be best to do a process of elimination in order to figure out who these stubborn blondes were.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was being pulled off the floor by Gunter from behind but was struggling to stay on the ground. Some people looked at them from the side, and were confirmed to be yaoi fans when a little bit of blood came out of their noses from seeing the position the two looked like they were in.

_On the seventh day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Everyone turned to Murata. He fixed his glasses and said that it was true. [2]

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

They all could have sworn they heard an explosion, a man screaming, and maniacal laughter.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

A maid outfit fell from above and landed near Beatrice's feet.

_Four fangirl maids,_

Sangria took notice of Lord Gunter and His Majesty's position. Feeling like celebrating, she drank three glasses of wine in a row. She did bet on a Yuuri x Gunter pairing, after all.

"But I thought His Majesty has already confirmed his relationship with Wolfram," Doria pointed out. "And if you look in a different angle Lord Gunter is really just trying to pry His Majesty off the floor."

"Aww shit!" Sangria was not that good in controlling herself while under the influence of alcohol, either.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal has gotten into the bourbon!

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram turned to another possibility, but then he shook his head. _Beatrice is blonde, but I am pretty sure she would not describe herself as stubborn nor is she stubborn anyways._

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was now the cause of the births of even dirtier minds.

_On the eighth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Eight men a milking,_

The women at the party started giggling uncontrollably, the men spit out their drinks, Gunter was trying to keep himself from having a nosebleed, and there were a lot of people who wanted to kill the Great Sage.

_Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Murata remembered his life as an actress named Christine.

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

Another explosion was believed to be heard.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

Rinji dodged the falling ladies' panties that were coming from above. Many men were now having very dirty thoughts.

_Four fangirl maids,_

Doria has just added some more money into her bet that Wolfram is the dominant one in his relationship with His Majesty.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal has finished his bourbon!

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram sneezed.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri decided to stop his attempts to knock himself out just so he could get Gunter off of him.

_On the ninth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Nine of Günter's outbursts,_

"Oh Your Majesty!" Gunter wailed. "Am I really that overbearing?!" There were many people who wanted to say yes.

_Eight men a milking,_

Blood was beginning to drip from both women and men's noses.

_Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Murata remembered his life as a Spanish bread maker.

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

Anissina popped up from out of nowhere and snagged one of the guests since her other guinea pig had to be sent to the infirmary.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

Greta put on the cat ears and cat tail that fell from the ceiling.

_Four fangirl maids,_

Lasagna put in some money betting that Yuuri was the dominant one.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal needs more bourbon! Or more alcohol in general!

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram did not know why, but he sneezed again.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Poor Yuuri was doing his best to ignore those lyrics and the snickers coming from the crowd.

_On the tenth day of Christmas,  
the Great One gave to me...  
Ten aristocrats talking,_

The people who made up the Ten Aristocrats looked to Murata and Shinou, who were innocently whistling.

Fun fact: Murata originally tried "Ten aristocrats unreasonably negotiating", but since this could not be kept to the pace of the music he had to scratch it and write something different.

_Nine of Günter's outbursts,_

"Why are people looking at me? I don't burst out screaming things all the time!"

"YES YOU DO!" many of the nobles who have gotten to know Gunter spat back.

_Eight men a milking,_

Suddenly Wolfram was magically dressed into what Yuuri calls a French maid outfit, one that was very suggestive. He was barefoot now, but the outfit made up for it by giving him white latex stockings. In his hair a tiny ruffled tiara adorned with little white roses was placed. A small metal bucket popped up in his hands. Women passed out and there were men who began to nosebleed. His husband stood in front of him to protect him from the perverted eyes of anyone else.

_Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Murata recounted his life as an Egyptian mummy maker.

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

It was a repeat: explosion, screaming, laughter, followed by some more explosions.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

Beatrice found a fox tail that fell from above and put it on so it dangled behind her.

_Four fangirl maids,_

All four maids saw Wolfram, and were immediately greeted by nosebleeds.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Gwendal has gotten into the whiskey!

_Two stubborn blondes,_

Wolfram was too busy getting dressed in his normal clothes again to think about who these mystery blondes were.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Yuuri was asked by a lady what yaoi and yuri meant, for she did not understand Murata when he talked about it during his "speech". He had no idea what to say.

If Wolfram was not so caught up in getting dressed, both he and the woman would have been roasted like marshmallows by now.

_On the eleventh day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me...  
Eleven OTP suggestions,_

Yuuri already knew where those kids could have learned what OTP meant, and he was standing a few feet away from him. Then it came to him that those lyrics were about the Love Lottery the maids have been holding even after his marriage with Wolfram. He remembered learning all about that lottery when he heard Doria exclaim that he and Wolfram made the best pairing ever.

_Ten aristocrats talking,_

Waltrona von Bielefeld and Stoffel von Spitzveg felt like they were the causes of the weird stares and glares falling on the Ten Aristocrats, glares coming from Wolfram, Gwendal, Conrad (from the side), and, to both of their shock, Yuuri.

_Nine of Günter's outbursts,_

"Your Mmmmmaaaaaaaaajeeeeesstyyyy..." Gunter moaned as he slumped to his knees. "Please tell me the truth. Are my outbursts about your greatness really so annoying that there are lyrics in a song about them?"

"..." Yuuri was speechless, as in he had no idea on how to put the truth gently. Gunter ended up crying.

_Eight men a milking,_

Wolfram was out of that cursed dress after getting back into his original clothes by dressing backstage, but when he came out not only was he dressed in an even more suggestive dress, Yuuri had become a victim to this strange magic and was wearing an ordinary pink maid outfit. Both of them were holding buckets.

"Seriously?!" the double black exclaimed.

"How is your dress so ordinary compared to mine?!" Wolfram shouted. He was trying his best to pull down the hem to hide his legs because 1) the dress was smaller so the hem ended at his mid-thighs, and 2) whatever spell was cast on him made him lose his underwear.

_Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Murata recounted his life as a knight in the Crusades. Boy, was he badass that time!

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

When Anissina popped up again she decided to take the drunken Gwendal since he was finally too drunk to stop her. Maybe now she could finish her newest invention so she may present it to everyone later.

Before the two vanished she saw her brother Densham von Karbelnikoff holding his pet rooster. She looked away with a shiver before she held onto her usual guinea pig's collar and they disappeared into thin air in a puff of smoke.

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

Yozak ran up stage to gather all of his clothes from the stage, leaving the two girls to wear the fox tail and neko wear, and then ran back.

_Four fangirl maids,_

Effe helped her friends with their nosebleeds after dealing with her own. However when she saw the royal couple in the maid outfits she passed out and formed a pool of blood coming from her nose. The others saw this and followed her in suit.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

Conrad decided to have a bit of vodka, just to get his mind off of hearing Greta indirectly call him hot. It gave him this unsettling feeling in his stomach.

_Two stubborn blondes,_

_Hmm... Doria is blonde too, isn't she...? No, she's more of a really light brunette... _Wolfram pondered over the possibilities again.

_and a yaoi king whose name is Yuri_

Wolfram caught Yuuri speaking to the woman from earlier about the differences between what yuri was, what the name Yuri really meant, and his own name after getting back into his other clothes once more. He quickly grabbed him by the dress collar, as the double black was still wearing the maid outfit, and both of them were now behind the door that led to the backstage area.

The music had been slowed down for the following lyrics.

_On the twelfth day of Christmas  
the Great One gave to me..._

A brief pause was made. Ears and noses were plugged, minds were trying to think of child appropriate things to keep dirty thoughts out, and notes to selves about the idea of killing His Eminence for corrupting their children were made as the audience anxiously waited for the next set of lyrics.

_Twelve bearbees buzzing..._

No one could believe it. That just had to be the most child appropriate thing the kids have sang all through the song! Knowing this both relieved and angered the children's parents, but they knew that in the end they could not kill the Great Sage because 1) it was Christmas, 2) His Majesty will be most likely to reach him first if he switches to Maoh Mode, and 3) killing the Sage would result in big trouble for them.

The music sped back up to its normal pace as the kids continued to sing.

_Eleven OTP suggestions,_

Yuuri made a note to ask Greta what these suggestions were later.

_Ten aristocrats talking,_

A lot of people around the Ten Aristocrats said something all similar to "Right, 'talking'" with the air quotes and sarcasm and everything.

_Nine of Günter's outbursts,_

Gunter has developed Shin Makoku's first Emo Corner!

_Eight men a milking,_

Yozak was dressed in the same maid outfit Wolfram was once in, the second one. He had a feeling this was coming. So he held up his bucket towards Conrad and winked.

"Ready for some milking, Captain?" he asked him in a suggestive tone. Women who heard him giggled.

_Seven Sage reincarnations,_

Out of all his other lives, Murata had to admit nothing beat this one. He's never had so much excitement since his first life as the Great Double Black Sage.

_Six of Anissina's inventions,_

"SUCCESS!" they all heard Anissina cry out from wherever she could be. Maybe now people will not have to be victims to her contraptions. "Now to show this off in the ballroom!" Oh no...

_FIIIIIIIVE OF YOOOZAK'S DRAAAAAAAAAAG!_

No one knew where Yozak and Conrad have gone at first, but then they heard bumping noises come from a closet near the tables that held the food.

Lasagna was winning a lot of money.

_Four fangirl maids,_

Unfortunately, all four maids have passed out in pools of blood. Greta noted to herself that she should tell them of the pairings spotted for their Love Lottery.

_Three hot stepbrothers,_

None of the stepbrothers were around to look sick to their stomachs, so hopefully this was a good sign. For all the audience knew they could be plotting their revenge against His Eminence and the Great One.

_Two stubborn blondes..._

From behind the door that led to backstage, Yuuri broke away from Wolfram's lips when a sudden thought came to him.

"Wolf, I think I know who the stubborn blondes are."

"I figured out that Saralegui is one of them," the other concluded. "You have to admit he can be stubborn." He was right, Sara was a stubborn blonde. "But now I have to figure out who the other is."

"Here, I think I'll tell you my guess." Yuuri leaned over to whisper in Wolfram's ear whom he thought was the other stubborn blonde. The look on his husband's face was priceless, with his eyes wide as a doe's, his skin paling, and this voice resonating inside his head shouting that he should have known. It was hard to believe that this blonde, this _stubborn blonde_ who was avoiding himself as a suggestion this entire time, could be so innocent as to not figure it out sooner.

It was also hard to believe that he just shrugged his shoulders saying, "Eh, it's true." He turned back to Yuuri. "Now, where were we...?"

From outside, the three lead singers hopped down the three steps on the sides of the stage to the door. Greta turned the doorknob slowly to avoid any interruptions of whatever was happening on the other side.

_AND A YAOI KING WHOSE NAME IS YURI!_

The door flew wide open, revealing Yuuri pinned to the ground with his arms above his head as he and Wolfram were kissing. Wolf whistles and cheers brought them back to reality as they lazily broke away, a string of saliva in between them. Their vision cleared and when they saw the audience, they blushed tomato red. Wolfram hurriedly got off of Yuuri, who was by the way still in a maid outfit.

"Oh, those maids owe Doria and me some money!" Greta exclaimed into the mic, punching the air. Her fathers stared at her wide-eyed, shocked to learn that she was in on the Love Lottery as well. "I knew it, I just knew that Papa Wolf was what Uncle Murata calls a seme."

Both men looked to Murata with death glares. There was a mischievous glint in his glasses as he chuckled softly. Shinou, however, was bursting out laughing and trying to stay on the Sage's shoulder for he was rolling on it holding his stomach. If it weren't for Christmas, those two would be have been out on shrine arrest already.

There was to be a fifteen minute intermission before the children were to sing their next song for the pageant. In the meantime they danced a little with their parents, looked over lyrics, ate snacks, and kept going to adults for reviews on what they saw so far. Although the song was inappropriate and their children's innocences have been ruined forever, the adults had to admit that they had done a well job.

"So, what did you think of Greta's performance?" the princess asked her parents. "Wasn't it nice of Uncle Murata and Shinou to help me with it?"

Wolfram kneeled down and kissed her forehead since she was still wearing the hat and the cat ears. "You were an excellent singer, Greta. I also see that you are a great leader to have thought and organized something like this. However, I am concerned about the lyrics."

"Oh, Uncle Murata said that it would be fine since everyone will be learning about Earthen terms. Besides it's not like I haven't heard them before. He's taught me a whole lot about those kinds of things from these cartoons he calls anime. Grandma Miko also showed me some light yaoi and yuri stuff whenever I'm allowed to go to Earth with you two."

The two looked over to the double black, who was trying to prove his innocence. "How was I supposed to know my mother shows her that kind of stuff?! What was she trying to teach her anyways?!"

"Grandma Miko says so I could understand same-sex relationships in hopes of helping you two out in any way I could. By the way, what does hentai mean?"

Yuuri spit out the water he was sipping, accidentally getting it on the other two. That's it, he is going to restrict his mother from showing her any inappropriate romance anime whatsoever whenever Greta is around! He is also going to have a very long talk with his friend, whom he is thinking over his friendship with! Then he was going to ask Anissina to create some kind of mind wiping machine so he can get his precious INNOCENT little girl back as well as fix all the damage that has been done to the other children! Maybe he can also pretend to go Maoh Mode and scare Murata and Shinou into no longer being perverted around his daughter! His ideas were set, and now he had to form a plan so he can purify them all! Mwahahahahahahaha!

"Umm Yuuri, what are you laughing about?" He did not realize he was laughing evilly out loud until Wolfram pointed it out. "Greta's going to go get ready for the next song. You have anything to say to her?"

Kneeling down so he can stare Greta straight in the eye, Yuuri gave her a great big hug. "I want you to do your best out there, okay?"

"Yes! Greta will do her best!"

"And if there's anything inappropriate, please try and censor it."

"Oh, but don't worry. The next song is more child appropriate than the first one, so you'll probably like me singing this one a lot. Alright, I have to go now... Daddy, you can let go now." Her double black father reluctantly let her go. She kissed him on the cheek before skipping off to backstage, where the other children were already gathering.

"Just a question Yuuri," Wolfram spoke up. "What _does_ hentai mean anyways?"

This might become a long night.

* * *

**[1]: "Okay, if you thought of something x-rated raise your hand!"- Konata Izumi from Lucky Star**

**[2]: Why seven reincarnations? Well, I was looking up Murata's profile to look at his reincarnations. I counted seven that were listed. That is why.**

**Funny? Weird? Long? Give me feedback! I wanna know what you think of my (belated) Christmas gift to all you KKM fans out there! I am hoping to get this fic finished before New Years at the latest so I am going to need some cheering on!**

**I hope you all had a merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, Kwanza, etc. From "Santa" (I've known the truth since I was six) I got three bags of caramel hard candies (you guys have no idea how hard it is to hold back the want to ask to get anime from people who have no idea what it is (especially the yaoi stuff))! Today was my brother's seventh birthday (yes, he was born day after Christmas) so I spent my day watching him open presents and laughing how he has more money in his wallet than me (yeah, just wait until he sees the increase in his bano account). Overall I had a great happy holidays because I got to see family and had a party!**

**So I am going to try to write another song parody. I am trying to choose whether I should so "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or that song from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" first. I think I'll leave that to you guys, or you can request a parody of another song you had in mind through PMs (if you write the lyrics to the parody I will make sure to give you credit)! Btw, Yuuri will be learning about the "Eleven OTP suggestions" next chapter!**

**Again, hope you all had a Happy Holidays!**


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